Dandelion
by therainweeps
Summary: They came into this world together. They were two children who played together and loved each other. Maybe the games, maybe the love, got out of hand. As they grew up, everything became more complicated. How something that felt so good could be so wrong?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: And now the rains weep o'er his halls**

It was night. It rained. The drops of water fell with fury. Perhaps they only asked for passage to the warmth of a home, perhaps they only wanted to break crystals, erode stones and let each soul witness the rage of the sky.

She was just a little girl in her bed trying to sleep. She was cold. Her nurse had left the balcony open to cool her room, without foreseeing the storm. She could not move. Not even to close the doors or draw the curtains, not even to grab the blanket at the foot of her bed. Anyway, why would she? The sky was breaking and nothing could protect her. Such a little girl so lonely, so powerless in the face of the immensity of the universe. It had already hatched a plan and she could do nothing to change it. She was only striving to move as little as possible. Just enough to breathe. She let the air in. Then out. Drowned.

_If I stay still, everything will stop with me. Nothing could happen. Time will not run and nothing will change._ She kept repeating herself, like a mantra.

The noise of the rain was only silenced by the thunders. From time to time, the sudden light of a lightning illuminated the darkness of her room. In those seconds, she made sure that everything was still in its place. Her eyes, two bright emeralds uncovered, remained open, did not want to see but could not stop looking, only closed for a second to ask:

_I wish my mom would come in_. Her mother was pregnant, weak and needed to rest. At any moment her little brother would be born and everyone was ready for that moment. She knew that she would not enter, but how much she needed it, a human embrace in which she could abandon herself. She was thinking of her, when she heard her. A scream. One deep painful heartbreaking cry. It slipped down her throat and clung to her insides. Fear. She had never felt so much fear.

Drops. Thunders. Screams. Their sounds mixed, louder and louder, with less time between them. After much hesitation, she summoned all her courage to turn in her bed and adjust her body so that she could look the angry night through the balcony and reunite her eyes with the Moon.

She loved the Moon. What she liked most about her classes was when her teachers told tales about the Moon, her past and present, hundreds of stories and adventures of warrior and indomitable women whose strength was captured in that symbol. Full moon as the truth, the pupil that discovers everything and new moon as the secret, nobody knows anything about it. Decreasing moon like a bow that shoots arrows and knocks down targets until it discharges and growing moon like a cradle where to rest and recover, longing and musing, mother and lover, because it also welcomes and rocks a privileged few.

She didn't know if there were gods because she didn't know if there was justice, bur she venerated the Moon. If anyone could stop whatever was happening, it was her. She stared at her. _Please make it stop._

The storm continued, perhaps less intensely. The screaming stopped. _Mommy?_ She rose determined to go in search of her mother and that embrace.

The girl ran through the corridors in the dark, her hands clinging to the wall on the right to orient herself. Her white nightgown melted with the air of her speed and her long wavy hair hit her back to the rhythm of her footsteps.

At last, she saw light coming out of a room and heard murmurs. She approached the busy room. She only saw movement, everything was going very fast, she could not distinguish faces or words. The air was dense, full of misfortune. At that moment no one had eyes for her.

The overwhelming first sentence she could understand came from the Maester:

"Lord Tywin, there's nothing more we can do. She's... dead."

Her mother was pale, eyes closed, surrounded by blood. It seemed impossible that from that body so peacefully left, only a few minutes ago, those charged vivid cries would have come out.

"He killed her... Everybody out! Take that horrible assassin beast out of my sight." Her father pounced on her mother, protecting her from the curious glances of all the servants.

She looked in the direction that his father's contemptuous gaze pointed. A maid was carrying a helpless baby, covered in rags. She tried to see his face. Thunder. Ray. Lightning that illuminated everything. Then she saw his face perfectly, not normal, deformed. Scare. She stifled a scream. Was her brother a monster? Did he kill her mother?

Everyone came out, she was dragged by the crowd. Nobody had noticed her presence yet. She looked through the scene one last time out of the corner of her eye before the door was closed. Her father was sitting on the bed, embracing her mother's lifeless body. His loaded eyes were waiting for the door to shut to let out a first tear that would be followed by an uncontrollable infinity. She will never forget that expression. He had been snatched from _his love_. A part of him died that night, the luminous one. Only anger remained in him.

After that, the images were shadows, the sounds were echoes. She did not know what she was doing there, she did not even know _who_ she was. In her stomach roared the need for the only person who could remind her.

_Jaime._ She ran desperately to look for him.

That was the moment when her nurse finally noticed her, but lost her as her figure faded in the length of the corridor, although she sensed where the girl was going.

The child arrived to her twin brother's chambers. There were almost no guards watching the stronghold that night, everyone was awaiting the birth. She opened the door urgently and approached the bed.

"Jaime… Wake up, please."

"Cersei? What are you doing here?" He said drowsy. Was she real o was he still dreaming?

She threw herself into his arms and burst into tears. That seemed real to him. He woke up completely and sat up with her in his arms.

"What happened?" He asked without breaking the embrace.

"Mum… hurting, bleeding… she died." Her voice was broken.

That could not be real. He must have been asleep. That was a nightmare. But it was real. Tears began to fill his eyes.

The nurse arrived, followed by another handmaid who was holding a candle.

"You know you are not allowed to be here." She took Cersei and carried her away in her arms. The other maid, grieved and only obeying, held Jaime.

"No. Let go of me."

"Leave her."

They both kicked, cried, shouted, stretched out their arms so that they could touch each other. Cersei managed to free herself from the grip and fell to the ground. The nurse grabbed her arm and pulled her. Cersei bit her wrist with rage and when she released her, she ran towards her brother. The maid let Jaime go who also ran to his sister. In the middle of the way they met and melted into an embrace that seems unbreakable.

The nurse was about to reach them again. The maid stopped her:

"They are two children who just lost their mother. Let them be together. They need each other."

She doubted. Nurse Delia was not a heartless woman. On the contrary, she was affectionate, protective and maternal, she loved those children as if they were her own. She had a daughter who lived only a few weeks. She helped Joanna breastfeed the twins. She wanted to do it alone, but two was too much. She was a little worried about the bond the twins had. Cersei was born first and then Jaime, grabbing her ankle. They were literally one soul in two bodies. They could not separate. The being of one was inconceivable without the other. When they were days old they cried if they were separated, they were neither hungry nor cold, everything went away when they came back to be beside their sibling. When they were a few years old, they could not play hide-and-seek, the one who searched always knew where the other was, finished counting and went directly to the exact place where the other was. The truth was that it was not their favorite game, they didn't like to lose the other but maybe it was worthy for the joy of meeting later. They slept together, hands intertwined or embraced. Perhaps then they really didn't know they were two different people. But over the years they began to discover it and never ceased to marvel at their other half. How could be so similar and different: two opposite reflections. She had to wear long braided hair and dresses; for him, short loose wild mane and trousers. They wanted to know the body, the container, which kept the other half of their soul. They began to explore themselves when they were alone. It was just an innocent curiosity. They had always bathed together and were used to seeing each other's naked bodies. Then they started to sleep together naked, they liked the contact with that other flesh. Soon, the exploration with the eyes was not enough, it did not satiate them, they needed to touch, to feel. It wouldn't last long. One lazy morning, Delia went to Cersei's room hoping to find the two of them because in Jaime's there was no one and it was time to get up. She found a bundle in the bed that emitted laughter covered by sheets and when she uncovered it, she found the siblings naked and Cersei playing with Jaime's tail. That image troubled her and she ran to tell Joanna. Joanna moved Jaime's chambers to the other side of the castle and had more maids watching the twins. No more bathing or sleeping together and even playing together unsupervised. She warned them that if they repeated that, she would tell their father and threatened them that they would never see each other again. The first weeks were terrible. They couldn't sleep if they weren't together. At night they got sick. Violently. They trembled. They had fever. Their bodies no longer knew how to _be_. And if they had been separated during meals, they wouldn't have been able to eat either. Maesters didn't understand what was happening to them. Joanna and Delia did. They belonged together.

And now Joanna had gone… Delia didn't have enough authority to maintain those arrangements and she always thought they were too strict. Besides, she understood they needed love, now more than ever. Finally, Delia nodded. She and the handmaid left.

Cersei and Jaime stayed embraced. Now time had definitely stopped. Now they were safe. She no longer heard the storm, he didn't even notice there was one. In the middle of all the dark chaos where everything crumbled, the other was just clarity and support. In the middle of that emptiness by the absence of a mother, they felt... _whole_ in each other's arms. In the depths of that pain they had found a pinch of... relief. No one would ever separate them anymore. How bad was it to feel a little relieved at the loss of a mother? Did that prove that what they were doing was monstrous, a sin? But what did they do? They just loved each other. How something that felt so good could be so wrong. All these questions stopped mattering at that moment. _Nothing else mattered. Only them._


	2. Chapter 2

** Chapter 2: The princess and the squire (part 1)**

Casterly Rock, 276 AC

Two maids bathed, dressed and combed Cersei while two others did the same with Jaime. Meanwhile Delia tried to distract Tywin to gain some time. Tywin had ordered the twins to be brought immediately to the meeting room. The siblings were on the beach making sand castles with little Tyrion, they had just come out of the water, they started splashing and ended up bathing. In other words, they, and their clothes, were wet and full of sand. Delia couldn't wear them like that in front of her strict father. So when another maid who had been looking all over the castle informed her of Tywin's wishes, she looked alarmed for her companions to cover up her children's mischief. Those two would end up driving her crazy.

"Stop talking. Bring my children here now, or I'll go and get them myself. That's not convenient for you. If I have to do your job, I'll stop remembering what we need you for." Tywin didn't used to talk like that to Delia. She was clueless and talkative about some things, cunning and direct about others; she was an expert at choosing words and putting them in order, she knew very well the character of all the people in Casterly Rock, she knew how to adjust her character according to who she was with to achieve her goals, she was a gossip who knew everything but knew how to hide things. It made Tywin nervous, but he appreciated her. She knew that Joanna liked her and they had a special bond, it could almost be said that they were friends. He also knew that his children loved her and needed someone like her. He would never dismiss her.

Even so, Delia had a knot in her stomach and went out to look for the twins. She finally found them ready and grabbed them by the hand, squeezing them tightly until she hurt them a little, like a reprimand, and took them to their father.

"Here they are."

"Good. You may leave. Wait outside. We have important matters to discuss." He looked at his children, had no idea how he would do this. "Jaime, you go first." That will take me less. "Cersei, wait with her until I call you."

And the door closed in front of her. Like so many other times. Her father wanted to talk to her brother. She was left out wondering if they would talk about how Westerland and the Seven Kingdoms operate, about the future of the Lannisters, about war strategies... Today her father had summoned her to his work-desk. For the first time. He wanted to talk to her about something important. At last her father recognized her. He was finally taking her into account.

She waited and waited, imagining possible topics of conversation, each more exciting than the last. Jaime left shortly afterwards.

"Cersei." He nodded his head toward the room for her to come in while he stood holding the door.

"I will be a knight. I'm going to begin as prince Rhaegar's squire!" Jaime whispered to her as they crossed paths. Later he would detail it to her. He always told her those conversations from which she was excluded. Then he opened the door wider for her to enter.

"Good morning, Father." She said it with a triumphant air.

"Good morning." He was sitting in the chair, in front of everything, straight, arm on the armrest, fist clenched and fingers wagging, imitating the thought machine that moved in his head. This is how she had always imagined it in her encounters with her brother. And Jaime sitting in front. Both looking into each other's eyes. Sign of respect. "Thank you, Jaime, you can go."

He nodded and turned around to leave and close the door behind him. She went to that chair she had wanted to occupy so many times.

"Jaime, you had better stay." Tywin suddenly said, who was looking at his daughter and did not know how to be alone with her. "It's not bad for you to hear this. Someday it will be your turn.

Jaime closed the door, with him inside. And he sat in the chair next to Cersei. They exchanged looks of strangeness, Cersei even of anger, as if it was Jaime's fault for being invited again. At least this time she would be part of it.

Tywin stared at his children. He was still rigid. Without saying a word. His fingers moved faster. How could he say this to Cersei, who was after all a little girl, his little girl. He wanted to talk to her in a personal, close way. But he couldn't even stand there, looking into her eyes. He realized that he had never been alone with her daughter. He got up. He walked around the room. Then he opened the door with an impulse and stuck his head out into the hallway.

"Delia! You should be present. We're going to argue about some changes in my children's future that are of your concern."

She was stuck to the door, also intrigued by why Tywin required Cersei's presence for the first time. Before entering, Tywin, with his back to the children, made some quick gestures to her symbolizing a cape on his shoulders, then one hand on top of the other and a ribbon linking them, his gaze pointed to Cersei. Delia understood everything. He was asking for her help.

Cersei felt annoyed again. Did Delia's presence not detract from the meeting?

"Well... as you know, these children are growing up." Tywin kept walking across the room.

Cersei and Jaime turned to look at him.

Delia stood, leaning against the wall. Between Tywin and the twins.

"Ah, yes... Ten years old! A decade! I still remember when you measured as much as my knees and spent the day running all over the castle, it's not that you didn't do it now... But you're taller, yes, you are."

Tywin cleared his throat.

"The thing is that these changes are not only physical, they are the ones we notice the most, but inside you have also grown, matured, a lot. Those who can best say this are your masters and septas, you are more and more clever."

Tywin looked at her. Get to the point.

"And when you grow up you must think about the obligations you have to attend to. Someday you will be the lord and lady of an important house. You will inherit Casterly Rock, a Lannister, a great lion." She looked at Jaime, he would stay there and she would probably take care of his children. "And you… You will always be a Lannister too, but one day, blessed day, you will marry a wonderful lord, a good husband who will give you his sigil and you will lead his big house with him." She looked at Cersei, who would go wherever her husband lived and that broke her soul. She was very young, was Tywin really thinking of marrying her? She was trying to appear enthusiastic in order to pass it on to her.

"That is exactly what I wanted to talk about... marriage. Haven't you ever thought of that? How it will be, when, with whom." He looked at Cersei. He realized how little decision-making power a woman had on that matter. She was about to talk. Tywin couldn't hold his gaze. "You, for example, Jaime."

"I want to marry Cersei." Jaime said cheerfully with all his sincerity. Cersei looked at him sideways.

"How nice! All siblings say the same thing when they're little." Delia faked a laugh to take the tension off.

"Lannisters don't say nonsense." Tywin sentenced. "And what about you, Cersei?" Her response couldn't be worse than Jaime's.

"I want to marry a prince."

"That is good, it may happen... It is going to happen. In short, I want to betroth you to prince Rhaegar Targaryen, eldest son of King Aerys and heir to the iron throne."

"Wow, that's some news! They say he is the most handsome and strongest man of the Seven Kingdoms. He is also smart, sensitive and kind. All women like him. You will be the envy of all of them." Delia said, so that Cersei would begin to be interested in him.

"And you will be the princess of the Seven Kingdoms... later, the queen. A Lannister, at the top. My daughter." _My daughter_. Tywin uttered those words with a pride that echoed in Cersei's head.

"I would be honored." She said, eyes wide and bright, already imagining a glorious future. A crown on her head. _With a crown I would never be invisible. I would be the most watched and _\- she thought – _listened to woman in the Seven Kingdoms_. Everyone would attend to me. Her gaze could only attend what was ahead, what was to come, the rest vanished. She hadn't even been able to look at Jaime.

"Tomorrow you will meet him. Both of you. In a tournament I hold at Lannisport, to honor the birth of prince Viserys and to welcome the king to the westerlands." A way of cajoling the king, before revealing his intentions. "Delia, I want you to ensure that they are more dignified than ever. Start preparing their clothing now. Let them see the power and elegance of this house." He looked seriously at his children. "You must behave and make the best possible impression. Can you do that?"

"Yes." they said in unison. Cersei firmly, Jaime almost in a whisper. He was crestfallen. All the admiration he had for Rhaegar and the illusion of being his squire disappeared. Now he hated him for being betrothed to his sister.

"I need you beautiful, charming, radiant as gold, smiling at everything they say, obeying and pleasing. This is very important. The best chance we will ever have. The future of this house depends on you. Can you?"

"Yes, father."

"I trust you." Tywin and Cersei exchanged half smiles. "You may all retire."

The three of them came out of there, what had just happened? They didn't look at each other. No one dared to share impressions.

"I'm going to my room." Cersei reported. She needed to lock herself in, get lost in her inner worlds and keep imagining that future.

"I'm going to play with Tyrion." Jaime decided. He needed to escape. He wanted ask his sister what is in her mind, but he wasn't ready for it. He wanted to have fun to stop thinking about what was too painful for him. Later he would go and face her.

Each one went one way.

Cersei sat at her desk, holding a paint that slid excitedly over the paper. From time to time she stopped to contemplate her work proudly.

She heard the door open. Jaime entered. She quickly turned the paper over.

"You don't knock?"

"I never do."

"You have to start doing it."

"Why? Because of that stupid reunion? You made me look like a fool."

"You are a fool. How can you say that in front of father? Brothers and sister don't get married."

"They do in the stupid family of you future husband. He could marry a sister."

"He doesn't have one"

"Maybe he'll have one and marry her."

"He won't. You're just jealous." Cersei enjoyed it. She had been jealous at him many times.

"What is that?" Jaime noticed the face down paper that his sister's hand was covering.

"Nothing." She hid it behind her back.

"Let me see."

"I don't want to show it to you." She didn't want to hurt him.

"I want to see it." He went to her and they struggled until he got the part. He held it in his hands, looking at it, tears began to fill his eyes

"It's a drawing septa Saranella sent me for my classes. They are King Jaehaerys I Targaryen and his sister and wife, Alysanne. I'm studying them right now." She was really studying that period. She used to make up lies based on the truth.

"You are a liar. That's not them. That's Rhaegar and you."

"No. It can't be us because they are riding a dragon and dragons don't exist anymore."

He turned the paper over to reveal to her her own drawing.

"It's Rhaegar and you and I know it because of your blonde hair painted in yellow, they all have silver hair. You can't distinguish colors?"

"You can't distinguish words." She ripped the drawing out of his hand and put it back on the desk.

He was holding the tears. How could she treat him like this? How could she attack him with his real problem? He could not read well, the letters danced in his head, they mixed and he confused words. He was ashamed of it and she had always encouraged and helped him, trying to teach him to read and write.

"Why did you draw it?"

"Because I'm happy about it. Can't you see it?"

_But I'm not, can't you see it?_

"You don't know him."

"But I will do it tomorrow and I will like him. Don't spoil it."

_And what about me…?_

"You are selfish. You only care about yourself."

"Very good. That's the meaning of selfish."

"You are so mean. I want you to break it." He wasn't aggressive, he wouldn't break her drawing to express his anger at her. He wanted her to break it to express her love for him.

"You can't insult me or give me orders. I can. I am the princess and will be queen. I command you to shut up and leave."

"That makes no difference for me. I have always tried to do what you like because I wanted to, to make you happy. Do the same thing for me. Break it!"

"No!"

"Break it or I won't talk to you ever again."

"That's exactly what I want."

He went slamming the door and started crying outside.

She was left alone, looking at the drawing now with a mixture of emotions. She was still eager for that idea but felt sorry for her brother. She had to forget Jaime for now. She loved him and she didn't want to, because he would be an obstacle. Today she had tasted for the first time what it was like to be regarded by her father. She needed her father to see her. Even if that meant she shouldn't see her brother by now. She also hated him, because he had what she lacked. Her father's love. And why? They were twins, literally she could have been him. She could have been the man. Since it is the man who receives the privileges, the great purposes. The woman, the distractions. They were identical and she could not understand why they were treated so differently. She was born first. Why would Jaime inherit Casterly Rock while she would have to marry a stranger and take his name? But if she had to do it, she would do it well, marry the prince and be queen. She would show them who Cersei Lannister was


End file.
